Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
