Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Alive.
So much puke
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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