great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
