I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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