My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
