I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
