If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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