True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
