I think my fart just growled at me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
