I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Come see our sink grown plant.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
