I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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