Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
