my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
