is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
