Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
