I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
