she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
