UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
