The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
