how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
