Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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