They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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