Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
