We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
