I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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