i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
