I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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