I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
