Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
