im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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