butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
