I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
