did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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