I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
