my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
