It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
