escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
