Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
