Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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