I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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