My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
