Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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