cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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