I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You took a bar mat shot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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