If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
