Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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