i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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