Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
