I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
