I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
