Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's never too late to be topless.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
