i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
