I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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