If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
