I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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