so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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