goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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