I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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