Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
